Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
