If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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