she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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