I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
