he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
