if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
