i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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