Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
