I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need moral support for this bender
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
