New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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