apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
