This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
