any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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