Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
