Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
