The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
