There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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