You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
