I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
