dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
