Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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