just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
