I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
