and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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