I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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