my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
