Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
3pm strippers are depressing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
