Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my being single is dangerous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
