Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
