He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
