Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
