i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
