I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
