idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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