Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
