my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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