happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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