Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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