Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
