3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
