quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
