Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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