I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
