yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
