Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
