ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
