im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
