If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
