Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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