I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
