I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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