Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
