Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
