All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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