I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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