Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
